Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
