I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
