It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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