I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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