if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
