i just sent this text using only my big toe
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
