lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
