I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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