I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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