I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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