he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
