Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
