Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
