I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
