your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
