I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
