Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
