I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
