were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
