her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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