ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
