You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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