my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
