You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
