there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
