I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
