I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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