Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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