i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
