so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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