I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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