the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
