I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
