He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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