I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
