your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
