i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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