May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
