Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
