dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
