I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
