party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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