I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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