He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
