yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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