i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
