Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
