We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
