I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
