I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
