I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
