last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He felt like a one man threesome
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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