Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
