careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
