Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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