so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
