we have officially lost it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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