he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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