I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
