Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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