you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize