I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
