I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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