i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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