Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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