Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
worst night to have a conscience
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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