sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
