His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
