I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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