sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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