i already hear my dad disowning me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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