I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
