Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
