How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
