batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
