Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My bed smells like the plague
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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