his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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