its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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