Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
