we have officially lost it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
