your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
