You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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