I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
