3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this just has baby written all over it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i believe in u and ur pee
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
