so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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