He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
