ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
