we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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