Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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