when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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