thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
