He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
