I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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