We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
