I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
