Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
