Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
