hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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