UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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