around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
