And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
