Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
