when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
