when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
