shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize