it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
