I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
