He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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